The hard truth is, sometimes marriages don't make it - after 7 years together, after 16, or even decades. Making the decision to leave a marriage can be incredibly difficult, regardless of how long the couple has been together or what kinds of problems they have faced. 

As well as providing couples with counseling to heal their relationships, I also work with couples who decide that the marriage is no longer going to work. Sometimes the purpose of the work is to create clarity regarding the several impacts of divorce on each partner's life. Other times the purpose is to ensure that both have had an opportunity to speak about their pain, frustrations, their hopes.

Typically, when talk of divorce comes into the picture, one partner has been thinking about it, planning for it, grieving it for some time - and thus, are further along what we call the "divorce readiness scale." Counseling with both partners or the one who is low on the divorce readiness scale can be very helpful in easing this difficult transition.

Serving as a Divorce Coach

You may not yet be familiar with the term, "collaborative law" - it is an approach to the legal process where you and your partner and each of your attorneys, plus 2 to 3 other professionals, collaborate throughout the divorce process to minimize conflict while working to resolve differences on the relevant issues. Both partners and their attorneys agree to make a "good faith attempt" to reach a mutually acceptable settlement without going to court.

The other professionals on the collaborative team are the Divorce Coach, a Financial Professional, and a Parenting Specialist. Each plays an important role in supporting the divorcing couple, helping them to reach a settlement that is agreeable to both.

I am a certified neutral mediator in the state of Minnesota, and trained in both family law mediation and collaborative divorce. If you are thinking of divorce and are interested in learning more about collaborative divorce, please give me a call. I will provide a free, 60-minute consultation on collaborative divorce. (In return I ask for a $25 donation to Dakota Woodlands homeless shelter for women and children.) During the consultation I will share with you an overview of the collaborative process, including what my role would be as a Divorce Coach.

Collaborative Divorce Participation Agreement

At the beginning of the process, both partners and their attorneys sign a Participation Agreement. The agreement requires both parties to:

1. exchange complete financial information so that each spouse can make well-informed decisions
2. maintain absolute confidentiality during the process, so that each spouse can feel free to express his or her needs and concerns,
3. reach written agreement on all issues and concerns outside of contested court proceedings
4. authorize the attorneys to use the written agreement to obtain a final court decree.

Is collaborative law right for you?

Collaborative law empowers partners to dissolve their marriage with dignity. Consider collaborative law if you and your spouse: 

1. believe it is important to protect your children from the harm litigation can inflict
2. place a high value on personal responsibility in resolving conflict
3. are able to focus on a positive solution for the entire family
4. want to preserve a respectful working relationship after the process is over
5. see the need to disclose full and accurate information about financial issues

For more information regarding collaborative law, click here to jump to the Collaborative Law Institute's website. To speak with me about collaborative law or to ask about my services as a Divorce Coach or Parenting Consultant, call me at 651-882-6234.